Special Gifts Elite

Gift baskets are out of fashion!  Or is it that they’re just plain boring?  Actually, I hope the correct response is neither.  (Lock it in; that’s my final answer.)  You see, I make my living by selling gift baskets (among other food gifts).  Granted, it may be less significant that solving the global warming problem or removing a pesky mouse from under your kitchen cabinet, but it’s an honest way to pay for the roof over my family’s head.

I can read your mind: “All of his gift problems are solved; year in and year out everybody on his list gets stuck with another gift basket.”  How dare you think about me in that way!  In fact, I face the same dilemmas that you face during any gift giving, decision making crisis.

I don’t give only baskets of joy to my loved ones.  However, even if I did, the choice would still not be easy.  At my store, we offer scores of fruit baskets, gourmet meals, wine gift baskets and far more than that, even.  (I can hear you right now, begging me to tell you where this wonderful store is.  Please be patient.)

Before you bribe me (or threaten me) to share my store location with you, I want to tell you about my own decision making approach.

My first step is to decide on the appropriate category of gift from the many choices.  If Uncle Milton has his drinking problem under control for the first time in ten years, then the wine gift baskets are out of the running.  Instead, I’ll opt for a fruit basket with something seasonal.  After years of ignoring the nutritional value of what he consumed, he could use a few extra servings of fruit in solid form.

Dear, dear Aunt Mildred is a great wine talker.  I don’t think she truly enjoys sipping her wine, but she loves to try to impress everyone with what she knows about it.  She loves to let everyone know the best vintage years, the kinds of grapes that are used in various blends and, most of all, how much she spent on the wine you just spilled all over her new carpeting ($95 a square yard).  She’ll get a simple wine gift basket, but I’m not going to spring for the champagne!  (I’m also not going to pay for the carpet cleaning; not after what that cat of hers did to my new coat.)

My nephew, Alfred, recently married his long time girlfriend.  To tell you the truth, even I agree that it’s about time.  Alfred spent the last eight years trying to decide if she was worth the cost of a diamond ring.  (I suspect that he eventually settled on crystal, which, considering Alfred, would be thought of as generous.)  Alfred always loves to receive cash as a gift.  There’s no way that I’m satisfying that desire.  His wife wouldn’t get a dime of it.  I’m sending them a delicious lobster dinner for two.  I figure it’s the only way to get that cheap guy’s new bride out of the kitchen for an evening.  (They honeymooned by visiting me!)

Second, I decide how much I’m willing to spend on these losers.

My grandson is getting the latest video game system.  Let’s face it; he is truly special.